It’s been a while. And I start every single blog post off by saying: “It’s been a while” or “I promise to try harder”. The reality is, I stopped blogging because I couldn’t get myself to start again.
A friend had to give me some straight talk today, to address exactly what the issue is. I finally blurted it out: I stopped because I’m afraid and have low self-esteem. I’m afraid that no one cares about what I could possibly have to say. But my fear of judgment exceeds any other apprehension.
This is a result of a fight I had with someone, who’s basically like a sibling to me, almost three years ago (I know, memory like an elephant). During a fight, she brought up my blog and weaponized it against me, and implied that I think I’m holier than thou. So I stopped.
I know that’s probably a ridiculous reason. It was said in anger and probably was intended as a stab in the heat of the moment. But it stuck, and I haven’t wanted to post anything out of fear that I’m giving off the perception that I think I’m better than anyone.
For clarification, I don’t think that way of myself. This blog was intended as a space for self-discovery, and a cathartic way of documenting my growth and life lessons. If others can learn from it, or engage in meaningful ways, then great. If not, that’s fine too.
Today, my friend, who cares about pushing me to do the things I say I’m going to do, and hold me accountable to myself, helped me see the light. So expect to see more of me around. Expect to see more ‘Aha Moments’ from my life.
In the end, if we’re not learning, what are we doing? And if I’m not documenting, I’m afraid I’ll change and not be able to look back on how far I’ve come.