Here’s to 2015

I know we’ve probably had enough of seeing everyone’s attempts at short-lived New Year’s Resolutions for 2015. I’ve certainly made my own list (it’s sitting at about 9 points so far – I fear in some aspects I’m definitely over-committing myself) but I’ve decided to keep it to myself. I’d rather fail in private than have to explain it to people who I’ve inadvertently given the power to have an expectation of me.

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I am willing to say that one of my resolutions is to blog more, I suppose that why I don’t is because I’m too busy over thinking what I should write about rather than actually just writing what ever I want. After all, this is my space to do as I please as long as I don’t offend anyone or get myself fired. Alas, something I will try harder at moving into the new year. (By the way, spellcheck has tried multiple times to change it to New Year with uppercase, but I refuse because that puts pressure in things.)

Beyond putting things on a list as if I’m going grocery shopping, things I want to learn and do, and stop doing obviously, I have massive tasks of personal growth to accomplish. Here are a few:

Meditate:

I’ll commit myself to writing another blog about my understanding of meditation and what works best for me, but for now it’s something I just don’t do enough of. The weirdest part is that the signs are all there; it’s becoming a calling of something I need to do. It came up about 8 times in the space of a month at the end of last year, in the forms of conversations with people, articles that found me, as well as this Ted Talk
which really inspired me. As soon as possible, I’ll put time aside to myself and meditate, and during the meditation I’ll have a good think about what I want to accomplish from it. I’ll let you know how that goes.

Believe in myself:

One of the greatest issues I struggle with is admitting defeat before trying, and sometimes having a low self-esteem. I need to believe in my ability to accomplish something, anything, and then go try and maybe even fail. This is a combination of believing that I can do it, and actually getting off my butt and trying. Just try.

I also need to find my voice. I actually fancy myself an Ambivert, so in some situations I can speak up, but in others I’m so afraid of what people might think I rather just internalize my thoughts. I struggle with strong personalities and people with strong opinions, yet ironically most people struggle with that side of me. But I’ve decided that from now on, I won’t keep quiet just to avoid confrontation or disagreement or to appease the strong personalities I find myself surrounded by.

F#@! The haters:

Yip. I’m a nice person, and I’m often a people pleaser. Last year I had to confront the reality that just because you give a shit about someone, doesn’t mean they give a shit about you. I also had to confront the fact that half the time I’m nice to people who stab me in the back as soon as I turn around. This is no longer ok in my books. It’s not even about not being nice, because that would compromise who I am as a person. It’s about shifting the focus, and speaking up when someone has made me feel little.

I watch cliques on a daily basis, and how those surrounding the clique feel so small and insignificant, and those in the clique are unaware 70% of the time of how they’ve made someone feel, but the other 30% they’re just not nice people. It’s like playground bullying in adult form. Strange. So whilst I say F@#! The haters, I’m clearly a hater on cliques. So this year it’s my goal to make sure no one ever feels like they don’t matter, or what they say or do goes unnoticed because no one cares. That includes me. Also, when parents say “oh just ignore them”, I used to hate it, but it turns out they might have been onto something.

Those are just 3 things I feel will change my life for the better in 2015. Embracing who I am – because there’s little point in trying to figure out who exactly that is at such a late stage.

 

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